June 18th 2016

7 years gone...where did that time go?  Seems like yesterday we were saying goodbye.  The girls are good.  Julia is 15 and drove on the high way for the 1st time tonight.  Sophia is killing it in ball.  We have a tournament this weekend.  7 years ago Julia had a tournament and our MAC team all came to the funeral and supported us all that weekend that we lost you.  We had so many people that came and loved on us. 

Dad, this year is hard.  I am missing you so much everyday.  I know that you are praying for us and we pray for you every night.  They say time heals all wounds.  It must take a lifetime to lose such a loved one. 

Thanks for all that you did for me that I didn't appreciate.  Thanks for the friendship and the laughs we shared those last few years.  I love you dad and I miss you greatly!

6 years gone June 18th, 2015

6 years ago today we removed my dad from life support and said our goodbyes.  There is not a day that goes by that we don't think of you.  Dan and I talk about you all the time and how much we just miss spending time with you.  Sophia and I pray for/to you all the time.

Mom went with us to visit you on Memorial Day.  It was a beautiful day and I think that is the 1st time she has gone out there with all 4 of us, so it was a nice visit.

6 years ago, you made the decision to wait to have your second surgery so that you could go to Angela's wedding and mom's family reunion.  You loved our family so much, and everyone loved Uncle Chico!!   It is so heartwarming that on this week that we remember your death, we will be surrounded by our Rivera family again.  You will be with us, as you always are, in our hearts, and I'm sure with a front row seat to watch over all of us.  I love you dad!



From previous post, 2009:

THURSDAY, AUGUST 13, 2009

Letting go..

On Thursday, June 18th sometime after 6:00, Dan and I took the girls into to say goodbye to my father. We all prayed together, gave him kisses and said goodbye. After that the girls were taken home. After everyone had a chance to say goodbye, I instructed the nurse that we were ready to go ahead and remove him from life support. She was very delicate and respectful. Someone requested the monitors to be turned off. So, the vent and everything was removed, and it was just moments before my father took his last breath. Since we turned the monitors off, I asked the nurse to come back in and check for us, as it was tearing me apart to watch as my sisters strained for a pulse, heartbeat, etc. The nurse called his death and it was over. After we were all able to compose ourselves, a Divine Mercy Chaplet was said for his soul.

Some background (from Catholicity.com):

Our Lord said to Saint Faustina:
Encourage souls to say the Chaplet which I have given you ... Whoever will recite it will receive great mercy at the hour of death ... When they say this chaplet in the presence of the dying, I will stand between my Father and the dying person, not as the Just Judge but as the Merciful Savior ... Priests will recommend it to sinners as their last hope of salvation. Even if there were a sinner most hardened, if he were to recite this chaplet only once, he would receive grace from my infinite mercy. I desire to grant unimaginable graces to those souls who trust in My mercy ... Through the Chaplet you will obtain everything, if what you ask for is compatible with My will.

We believe that in our faith and prayers our father was given this mercy and given God's grace.

We stayed as a family for about an hour, making sure the funeral home was called, gathering our belongings (we had been camped out there for 3 days), thanking nurses......It was strange to walk away knowing that this time we would not return to see my dad. Dan and I left and went straight to Baratta's to have a drink and a shot in his honor, and to just be. We were of course surrounded by our loving restaurant family and allowed a moment to gather our thoughts before transitioning to funeral planning. It was much needed.

Remembering Dad 5 years later

I started this blog soon after my dad passed away on June 18th, 2009.  I wanted to get as many details of the experience down on record, because I thought as the years went by, it would be harder to remember losing him.  I am glad that I did, however, what I have learned is that 5 years later, it is all still as fresh in my mind as if it were yesterday.

I still can't help thinking why didn't I go over there that last night after Julia's ballgame?  I could have talked to him one more time.  Given him one last kiss on the cheek.  I do not have regrets about our relationship.  I just really miss hearing his voice.  And that deep cackling laugh.  Calling me caboose or running away from one of my emotional rants.....

I miss you a lot Dad.  I know you are in a better place, and I will see you again one day, but in the meantime, Dan and I talk about you, and the fun we had with you.  We tell the girls crazy Chico stories and look at pictures.  We pray for you.  We love you.

4 years gone

It's been 4 years ago since we said goodbye.  Dan and I talk about you all the time.  Losing a parent is not easy to explain to someone who hasn't experienced that loss.  It was heartbreaking to watch him lose his mother this past year, but we know that you are both watching over us and getting a few laughs at our expense.  We share that experience now and wish everyday that you were with us. 

Sophia prays for you every night before bed.  We always start with grandma and papa in heaven.  There is not a day that we don't think of you Dad.  We celebrated 13 years of marriage a few weeks ago.  We talked about how you made everything so easy for us by planning it so well.  We talk about the lake house, and how we know we need to go back and decide what is next for the cabin, but it is so hard to be there without you. 

This week is a tough one as we say goodbye to Steve, and to Msr. McDonnell.  Both people you loved very much and are with you now.  God's blessings to their families (our family) at this time of great grief. 

I love you dad.  I hope we make you proud, continue to pray for us! 

3 years ago today

We said goodbye to you dad.  There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of you.  I miss you.  The girls are getting big, and they mention you often.  You would be so proud of Julia and so entertained with Sophia.  I know you are smiling down on them and enjoying the crap they will undoubtly put Dan and I through. 

Always in our hearts!

Love,

Suzanne

Gifts

Thanksgiving has come and gone and we are now preparing for our 1st christmas without Dad. Thanksgiving was not as bad as I thought. It was actually a very warm day with the family and kids. Dad would have really enjoyed watching the kids sing Beatle songs together (and his sons as well, who started the family Beatle obsession)....he might have been a little thrown off by the lack of singing talent, but enjoyed it none the less...

Many people believe that when a loved one has passed, they can still "communicate" with their families, or receive "signs" for rememberance. I am one of those people. One of the very common gifts are roses.

This is a picture of the front of my house, and the Virgin Mary statue that my parents gave me. As you can see, pretty much everything in my front yard has died for the season.....it was november after all. However, these few roses remained bloomed for three weeks almost perfectly while everything around them browned and fell away.

Signs?

I have always been a fan of mediums such as John Edwards (not the cheating politician). I believe him when he says that signs/messages from our loved ones that have passed are around us always. Sometimes they are a little more obvious....and for no other reason than to make you smile and laugh again.

Last week I attended a Get Motivated seminar. The speakers were Rudy Guiliani, Laura Bush, Terry Bradshaw, Colin Powell and more. As I was listening to the morning speakers I had jotted down a few key notes that had touched me. It was about reflecting on our losses, but letting them go so that we could live in the present. I have done my share of reflecting over the last few months since my dad died, and have been struggling lately.

After lunch, there was a Disney vacation give away. Participants had to dance doing the moves of 4 random people picked from the crowd. As I am watching to see who gets picked from our area, I recognize one of the contestants on stage. It was my dad's cardiologist! Dr. K had been my dad's doctor for most of my life. He had saved my dad so many times, and given us so many more years with him than we ever expected. In those final days at the hospital, and in that final hour, he was with us as a family. So....the music starts, the competition begins, and Dr. K has ZERO moves....lol. He couldn't have cared less.....he danced like a mad man, and you could just see the joy in him.......it was enough to make everyone cheer, and he came in 2nd place out of 20 people. He didn't win the trip, but he once again touched and warmed the heart of Chico's daughter.

I know that my dad loved this man. And I could clearly see why that day. So full of appreciation of life and others..... My sign......confirmation that my reflection from the morning was right on......it is time to see the joy and life in things again, and not focus on the loss.